Well, while on the road today, I wonder how I can be the person I wish I was.
The person I used to be?
In a interesting twist of fate, this day was not any better than before. I tried to think about my brother today and that I would never want to burden him with all the things Ive been tHrough this year and or show him how Im feelling. Today, I found myself saying outloud for the first time, I WISH I COULD JUST BLOW MY BRAINS OUT.
Hearing those words out loud I began to sob at the sheer fact that I would give up and give up on him and on me. I found myself going to my church this morning, had a great mini conversation with a church leader and he was very uplifiting. Even though I didnt go into details of my thoughts, I was greatful he took 5 minutes out for me.
I think the great challenge of the next few days will be simply the acceptance of failuer and understanding that no matter how much I tell someone that Im doing all I can to get on track, sometimes people cant BE OUTSIDE THEIR OWN BOX. I do not blame anyone for being who they are, I just wish someone would grab me by my hand and say I care and I wont leave your side.
Today, Im greatful for my blog. You?
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