Well since this is an honesty blog, I have to say that over the last week I wished I wasnt here anymore. Its kinda strange that you can have so many different kinds of thoughts in your lifetime.
Ive always been super positive and caring. Ive always thought I could solve any problem, but lately I havent been in that place. Ive simply wished I wasnt here anymore. Its a very raw and weird emotion, at times overwhelming. Yesterday, I thought about leaving my family Christmas cards and how I would do it. Everyone says
its a very selfish act but Im thinking that it can be a relief for a family as well.
What am I greatful for? Today I am greatful for all the experiences ive had and feel that whatever I decide I need to do it for, I feel like Ive lived for my brother all my life and I wouldnt change that and now hes older and I know hes gonna be ok. But I need to do something for me now.
Hey there,
ReplyDeleteI've been there before, and one time about 12 years ago when I had cancer and was doing daily radiation for two months, I was so weak and felt so desperate and took a bunch of pills, but I realized that wasn't the answer once I actually took the pills and ended up in the hospital. Lately I have had some strange thoughts in my head as well, I was laid-off in June and still unemployed, and on top of that I have new upstairs neighbors who are loud and rude as hell and I have insomnia for the first time in my life and the other night I thought I was going to go crazy. I think about my Mom every time I have any kind of thoughts of taking my life because she would be so devastated. I also realize that so many other people have it so much worse and that I am pretty lucky to have a nice place to live (even with my new neighbors!) and I am healthy, what more could I ask for? I will have to read the rest of your blog, because I only just read the most recent paragraph and it struck a cord with me because that is how I've been feeling lately. I hope you and I find a peace for ourselves very soon, a peaceful life that is.
Thank Jorge, me to.
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